Seriously...again?

I am so excited, elated, and happy for those friends around me who are expecting children. With that being said...are you fucking serious? I swear to God it seems like every time I log onto Facebook someone else is pregnant. It's the most irritating thing to see when I've been trying for so long. I've been trying really hard to be happy for everyone...but it feels like a stabbing pain whenever I get my period and realize that yet again...I'm not pregnant. Ugh...anyway...for those of you that are pregnant, congrats...I mean that, really. I'm so happy for you. But if I seem less than thrilled and kind of annoyed whenever you talk about your pregnancy and all the things that come with it, it's nothing personal. I'm just slowly hating myself for feeling jealous.

One Year

It has been one year. One year since hubby and I decided I would stop taking birth control. One year since I began considering getting pregnant. One year since the event that caused Chad's mind to think, we are ready for kids. One year since Chad and I seriously began looking into homes that would fit our new family to be. One year ago today I became officially ready to be a mother.

One year.

One year since I dealt with getting a second period after finishing one just days prior. One year I have gone with irregular and missed periods. One year of negative pregnancy tests. One year of heartache, stress, and life trials. One year of ups and downs in my family life. One year of dealing with bull shit from others who sit on their high horses.

One year.

One year of endless support from friends. One year of "I love yous" from the ones that it means the most from. One year of fortune in the housing market. One year of happiness in the marriage department. One year of close bonding with my sisters. One year of putting my foot down and sticking to my guns. One year of not caring what others thought. One year of becoming a woman in my own heart.

One year...

While one year seems like nothing, it also is a large chunk of time in which a number of things have been fit into.. I am both lucky and unlucky in life. But I'm lucky where it counts and where I need to be in order to be happy. I am so grateful for those lucky things in my life. Because of those things, this last year, which has had it's share of living hells, has been manageable.

Living healthier

My 10 year high school reunion is coming up in just 8 short months. I can't believe how quickly it's approaching! Have I really been out for that long? In recent months I've reconnected with a few high school friends which feels amazing. Among these friends, is a girl Jen. Jen and I became close friends my senior year, and we partied like no tomorrow after high school. I have lots of fond memories with her. Don't get me wrong, I have amazing fond memories with my other amazing friends from high school, i.e. Abbie, John, and even Crystal (though we haven't spoken in years.) But I bring up Jen because around the time I turned 21 Jen and I began drifting apart, no reason for it, we just went out separate ways. We have remained in touch through Myspace and now through Facebook, and I've seen her do something incredible. Jen has a son who is around 3 I believe, and after she had him, she packed on some baby weight, totally normal and acceptable. But what's crazy is she is now competing in bodybuilding competitions. Not the super gross huge ones, but in some intense ones. And I have to say I admire her for it. She's done some fitness modeling, and all around her body is amazing! She has toned arms and legs, and her 6 pack is to die for.

Since seeing her transformation through Facebook I've become more inspired by her. I look at her and think to myself, if she can do it...why can't I? And there really isn't a reason why I shouldn't be able to. The hardest part for me I think will be the diet. I am a lover of junk foods of all kinds. And giving up on it will suck royally, but if I set a goal, and reach it, then I'll be able to treat myself from time to time. So as of right now my goals are to A: make healthier food choices; B: exercise more each day; and C: Get a flat stomach by June. When I write it down it seems easy, but I'm taking baby steps for these things. I've been eating breakfast and taking a multivitamin each day for the last month. I walk Dexter every day for at least a mile (I'm going to start going for two,), and when I get home from said walk I do 2 sets of crunches and 2 sets of calf raises. I know it;s not much, but hey I gotta start somewhere!! So here's to a healthier me. I know I won't always make the best choices, and that's okay. But I think if I really focus on my goals then I'll be able to achieve them!

Thanks for inspiration Jen!!

The waiting game...

It has been exactly 283 days since I stopped taking my birth control pill. You'd think that after that long I'd be pregnant right?...WRONG! The last 9 months have been long. With each...ahem...monthly gift I get, I wish I could label it 'Return to Sender.' Or even better, take it to the stork store and exchange it for a a real gift...the gift of life! As I organize my Christmas card addresses I get just a little sting of pain. When I got off the pill I was so excited at the prospect of sending out Christmas cards with Chad and I in front of our tree, and me holding a rounded preggo tummy. While I will be holding something adorable, it won't be a future child inside of me.

I continue to play the waiting game...until then...I'll just keep on keeping on....

Pumpkin love

Before we owned our home, I didn't do much decorating for fall. I had a few decorations here and there. But nothing that stood out or really brought the autumn vibe into our place. So once fall hit here, I made it a point to head to the stores so I could scout out some cute decor. What I found was awesome!!! Please bear in mind that I took some of these pictures before I had actually decorated. So some of them are straight outta the wrapper!

First there was Target. I got these cute little signs in the dollar section for only 2.50 each!!! I also got the haunted jack-o-lantern from the dollar section for just a buck! And the Happy Halloween sign cost the same! Talk about bargain!! I also got some wicker pumpkins from the dollar section for 2.50 each, but I never got a picture of them. (I could take one now but I'm just too lazy!)

Second, there was Home Depot. I made out like a bandit! They had THE cutest scarecrows, and they were only 6 bucks a pop for the big ones, and the little ones were 3 bucks! I had to have them. And my neighbor told me that they are doing their job at scaring because they walk their dog at night and they sometimes freak that there are people standing in my planter. Hahaha!!

Next up is a delicious smelling candle courtesy of my baby sister. She got me this candle (as well as a spooky skull shaped hand soap) for my house!

Finally, there's my stuff from Kohl's and Bed, Bath, and Beyond. The placemats I bought from BB&B were on sale for $1.99 each! And at Kohl's I got everything there for either 40% off, or if I was really lucky, 50%! So I bought this welcome door decoration which I fell in love with, the maple leaf table runner, and the wrought iron pumpkin shaped candle holder.

 I absolutely looooved decorating my house this fall. I can't wait to get more decorations next year! I will have to pace myself slowly because otherwise I'll break my bank!

Fall-ing in love all over again...

It's that time! Fall...the wind blows harder, the nights are cooler, and once in a while we get a shower or two. I was never that big of a fan of fall (with the exception of Halloween and Thanksgiving). But my besties all showed me how wonderful it could be! I love the fashion, I've grown to really love the rain (outside as well as in), and I love the smells that come with it too. Pumpkin flavor is something I give into often, and cuddling under a blanket is that much sweeter.

And speaking of cuddling, hubby and I have made a plan to spend more quality time together. With both our schedules being opposite and so packed with different things, we are making it a point to enjoy our alone time. And cuddling while watching a movie is definitely a great way to work on that! We are even already talking about how to decorate for Christmas! It's a great feeling to know that we're on the same page and that we can overcome difficult situations!

So I guess the Fall season is even sweeter now that we own a home and that we were able to fall in love again with each other.

'You never see the hard days in a photo album..."

I was watching tv the other day and Clueless came on. The late Brittany Murphy was in it of course and it got me thinking about other movies she was in. You know how your mind just has a train of thought that leads from destination to destination? Well that's how I ended up with this quote. "You never see the hard days in a photo album...but those are the ones that get you from one happy snapshot to the next." This was from the movie Just Married (which is awesome btw) and I remember when I heard it how I thought it was such a perfect line. The last few months...or years rather... I've been struggling with various things and when I think of this quote, I know that things will eventually be okay. I feel that this quote even applies to Facebook. Just because I don't post about all the bull shit going on in my life, doesn't mean it doesn't exist. I just choose not to share every aspect on here, or with everyone I know for that matter.

I know that certain people have been talking about me and my family behind my back. I know they've been forming opinions about certain things we do, or decisions we've made. I know that certain people are saying that I am a bad person, or that I'm in the wrong. Whatever your opinion is, make sure you don't create it until you have all the facts. I'm sorry I don't use Facebook to air out my dirty laundry or to tell the world how awful my life is. Granted I know I'm not perfect, and I have in the past, and still do on occasion vent. But over sharing, especially on Facebook, is not something I'm into. If I don't share something with you, it's probably because I know you're going to talk behind my back anyway.

I don't confide in many people. I confide in a close few that I know I can rely on to listen when I need an ear, to give me advice when it's appropriate, or to tell me that things are going to be okay when I feel like the world is crashing down. Those people can be viewed as lucky, or unlucky depending on your standard, but either way I'm lucky to have them. Those of you, you know who you are...thank you. Just because I don't post details about how I'm feeling about certain situations, or about what exactly is happening in my life, does not mean that you get to decide that I'm a bitch for not telling you. Get over yourself. I know I can't stand seeing the same depressed status updates from some people on Facebook. It's just annoying! If I wanted to be friends with Eeyore then I'd move to Critter Country at Disneyland.

So with that being said, yes I'm going through a hard time, yes I struggle, yes I cry and I pray and I dream that things will get better. But until then, I'll just share the happy and high moments of my life, or just the random status updates that come to mind. Facebook isn't real life people. It's a SOCIAL NETWORK. I use it to be social with those people I choose. I get to decide what I post, and who I choose to be friends with. If I am not friends with you on Facebook, it is either A. You post too much drama, B. I don't want to read your posts, or C. I could give a shit if you fall off a cliff. Unless I tell you why I deleted someone off of Facebook, don't make assumptions, because you're making yourself look like an asshole.