Cried myself dry

In these crappy economic times, it's no secret that getting a job is tough. What makes it more upsetting, is not being able to start a career in the field you set out for. I knew when I decided to go back to school, that teaching isn't the most glamorous of jobs. It requires hard work, tons of observations, the ability to think on your feet, being able to reach every student, being able to communicate with parents, having to work closely with other teachers, and doing it all while not letting your students fall behind. However, even knowing all of that, I decided to go to grad school anyway and get my degree.

I remember when I first decided to go back to school. I talked to Chad about it and decided his input was very important since the student loan debt, by the time I'd be paying, would be his as well. He thought it was a great idea and was really supportive. So there I went, back to school. I met a few great friends along the way and truly enjoyed it. When I first started school, was when the economy really started taking a turn for the worse. On the news they would talk about teacher layoffs and budget cuts, but part of me hoped it would only be temporary. As I moved along the news only got worse. Thousands of teachers being laid off in California meant that my job field just became more competitive. As if being a first year teacher isn't hard enough, how am I supposed to find someone to hire me when I have a master's and they're going to have to pay me more? Not only that, but the application and interview process would be even more difficult due to the overwhelming amount of laid off teachers attempting to regain employment in their chosen field.

I was fortunate to have 2 jobs. Both that paid very well. I worked both while going to school and I felt that at least once I finished, I could leave this district and move on elsewhere to a place that I felt better suited me. Unfortunately, having to leave that district early was not in my plans. But it was a decision that I had to make, because working in an unhealthy and unwelcoming environment, was not somewhere I wanted to be.

Since quitting that job, I've applied for a number of others. Unfortunately, schools are still laying off and are not doing much hiring. I applied to 5 schools and received not one call back. Over the summer I had 2 separate pay cuts due to the lowered budget of our city. So not only was I now making less money, but I was terrified to think about what would happen once the pool closed. Then we got the ball dropped on us again. The pool would be closing early this year because of the expense to run it. Big bummer.

Since mid summer, I've applied for about 20 more positions. It's hard to continue to receive the "same" email. "We're sorry, but at this time we're moving forward with other applicants who more closely fit the position," has become a norm in my inbox. How am I, as well as many others, supposed to feel like a productive member of society when I can't even get a job in retail? I have received so many rejections that it has numbed me. The first few rejections made me sad, the next few made me angry. But at this point, I can do nothing more than sigh and click delete.

I know I am not doomed to be unemployed forever, and I have a husband that fortunately makes enough money to support the both of us. But it does not change the fact that I feel like a big fat loser who can't seem to catch a break lately. What's sad is that I've seen it in so many of my friends' lives, but could only feel sympathetic for their misfortune. The difficulty of finding a job has now made me empathetic for their struggles. I now see just how hard times are for so many others.

So for now all I can do it pray, cross my fingers, hope for the best and continue to apply for jobs. Because on this very day, I don't have the ability to shed any more tears. I've literally cried myself dry.